Difficult Conversations: 5 Communication Tips for OCD Sufferers in Relationships

Figuring out how to discuss OCD with your significant other can be overwhelming given the shame, doubt, and misunderstandings surrounding the diagnosis. I have been dating my fiancé for over three years, and during that time we have learned a lot about how to discuss and handle my OCD effectively. Below are five tips for OCD sufferers struggling to communicate with their partners about OCD:

1. Forget the idea that there is a “right” time to share.

I wish I could prescribe a specific relationship length that corresponds with the appropriate time to discuss OCD, but every relationship is unique. Sometimes you meet someone and feel so in sync that you have a meaningful conversation about OCD on the third date. Other times, you may be with someone for years and still not feel safe being emotionally vulnerable. You can wait until it feels comfortable to share, but if you start thinking that the person you are with would never understand or love you after learning about your OCD, you may want to ask yourself if a person like that is someone you want to be with.

2. Remember you do not have to share every detail.

Trust me, your partner is not telling you every bizarre thought that ever passed through his or her mind. With OCD, the compulsion to seek reassurance may make you feel the need to “confess” every detail of your obsessions. Giving a general idea of the kinds of worries you have is enough.

3. Get some backup from experts.

If your partner is not familiar with OCD, a lot of what you say may be new and hard to grasp immediately. Having literature from experts available can back up what you are saying and give your partner a better idea of how to help. For example, I recommend The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer as an easy-to-read introduction to intrusive thoughts.

4. Tell your partner the kind of support you need.

With OCD, loved ones may have to do something counterintuitive to help you in the long run. For example, your therapist may recommend your partner not respond to you when you ask for reassurance. If you are crying and pleading, this can be very hard to follow through on. Communicating to your partner the kind of support you need is critical so that your partner does not accidentally enable your OCD.

5. Be ready to listen.

When you are sharing about OCD, your partner may ask tough questions and also could end up revealing similar issues and vulnerabilities. Even if your partner’s issues are not the same, and even if they are not as severe, give this person the attention that you want given to you.

OCD ebbs and flows through life, so learning to talk about these with your partner is important. Vulnerability is hard, but without it we can never reach real intimacy. Life is full of difficulties, and you deserve someone strong enough to handle yours.